Singlehood is a season. Most single people want to be married. Most people want a spouse to share their life with, to have children and build a life as a family. Some people get married as soon as they reach adulthood, some get married after a short period of waiting, some wait for years before they are blessed with a spouse, yet, in some cases, some never get married even when they had desired to get married.
Singlehood is a tough season for most people especially when the waiting seems to be getting longer and longer. Some people grow discontent and even desperate in the process.
We live in a society where marriage seems to be an end goal, where the unmarried are shunned, where the married think that the unmarried will ‘steal’ their spouse. We lie to ourselves that when we get married, then we will be happy. We say to ourselves that when we get married, then we will be content, that we will be happy, that we will achieve our dreams, that we will settle in a certain area and buy a certain house, that we will become fulfilled.
We lie to ourselves that only in marriage can we find happiness.
We put away and stop pursuing our dreams for the moment until we get married. We say to ourselves if only we could get married then life will be complete. As a result, we waste the years of singlehood looking for that spouse, jumping from one relationship to the next, looking for other people to fill up the voids within us.
We depend on people to make us feel complete. We feel incomplete when we are alone, we feel lonely when we are alone, we grow angry and bitter during our singlehood, we start envying those who are married and think that they have everything under control.
We think with marriage all our problems will be sorted out. We lie to ourselves that marriage will make us better people and that it will change us for the better.
During singlehood, we try to run from ourselves and get busy because we do not want to face ourselves and our fears. We are uncomfortable when we are by ourselves. We are afraid of quiet and aloneness.
Because of the fear of facing ourselves and fear of being alone, we get busy; busy being the most loud, busy on social media, busy in relationships that have no purpose, busy gossiping and slandering, busy talking about what everyone else is doing, busy looking for approval and validation. We grow discontent to the extent of desperation, and as a result, we start entertaining relationships and friendships with people who we should never have opened our lives to.
We simply want someone there with us and because of that, we entertain different people and hope maybe they are the one. We open up our lives to people who have no good-will towards us. We open up our lives to people whose objectives are to use and dispose, use and dismiss, use and destroy, lure and conquer and then dispose, lure to puff up their egos, lure to conquer and then brag to their friends, people who are just curious about us and have no intention of staying and neither do they love us; selfish jealous people who have no interest in us except to fulfill their own interests and then leave.
When we are discontent and desperate in our singlehood, we become prey to people who are abusive; whether emotionally, verbally, sexually, physically, or financially. We forget that a desperate heart is easy to deceive. We open up our lives to the enemy when we are discontent and desperate; the enemy makes our lives his playground, he uses our lives to practice all his evil desires and schemes on.
The enemy knows a heart not rested on God, he wanders around the earth looking for people to devour. In our singlehood, if we are not careful, we will be shattered by the enemy if we do not put our trust in God. If we are not rested in God in our singlehood, we will easily become discouraged.
People will come into our lives, misuse us, mistreat us, and abuse us; yet we will still allow them to stay because we are afraid to be alone, afraid that we might not find someone else.
We will become doormats if the only thing we long for in this life is to have a spouse.
We will be abused and trampled on by people who have no use for us and they are only there in our lives because we allow them, people who are only there for the benefits but have neither love nor respect for us. If we are discontent and desperate in singlehood, we will rush through relationships; we will meet a person today and then move in with them tomorrow, yet, we never took the time to know them or ask for God’s guidance. If we are discontent, we will live together with a person who is not our husband, we will first call it cohabitation then later call it marriage without involving God.
A desperate discontent heart that does not know its identity or worth or value is easy to deceive!
We will be manipulated into doing everything the other person wants even if what they want goes against our values and even goes against the Word of God. We will be in rebellion towards God. We will be deceived into treating people as our spouses even when there is no commitment made before God, family, and friends. We will be deceived into agreeing for a ‘trial marriage’ by someone who will dispose us like an object when they have had enough or they get someone better.
If we are desperate in our singlehood, we will be manipulated, turned into test dummies, mind games will be played on us, and we will be thrown into utter confusion. We will be in relationships without purpose or direction. We will live for years with someone and even have children with someone who has never made an official marriage commitment just because we are afraid of being single and alone. We will allow people into our lives that God has already said no to. We will ignore that inner voice within us that is the Holy Spirit speaking and warning us. We will ignore wise counsel.
In our folly, we will entertain unbelievers thinking that we can change them, we will stay with people who are mistreating and disrespecting us thinking that our love will change them, we will hold on to people who want to leave out of fear of starting over and going through life without a spouse by our side.
We will hold on to people we have nothing in common with. We will lie to ourselves that having someone is better than no one, even if that someone is bad for us. We will spend years giving everything to someone who will never commit or someone who we have to drag to the altar. We will stay with people who do not love us back and are just there for the convenience, or they are there to gain something and then disappear. When we are outside God’s will, we might end up witnessing hell on earth! May God help us.
Marriage will not fulfill us, marriage will not fill the God-sized hole that is in everyone of us.
Singlehood is a season in life that is just like any other season. May we learn to embrace our individual journeys. We are all different, different equals. May we learn to wait upon the Lord and not try to rush through seasons. If we are determined to end the single season prematurely no matter the cost, we may find ourselves unequally yoked, a decision we will have to live with. We will miss out on God’s best for us.
Singlehood, like every other season, is to be used for the glory of God. We are not to spend our singlehood complaining, murmuring, comparing our lives with those of others, being jealous, being discontent, or lacking joy; we are to spend it honoring God with our lives. We are to go through the season of singlehood and not rush past it. If we rush and go outside God’s will, we will reap only pain. God knows best, and He has the best for us. He wants us to be content in Him.
God is the missing link, He is the One we crave for, He is the One we are desperate for. Jesus Christ is our contentment, He is our firm foundation.
Things of this world will never satisfy us. We are to seek first the Kingdom of God.
But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33.
We need to first know who we are. We need to know our identity before we consider marriage. God should be first in our lives. The most important decision we will ever make in this life is repentance and accepting Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior. When we develop a relationship with God, in Him we find our identity and the longings in our hearts are filled.
In God we find contentment, joy, and peace; we get to know our innate worth. Our worth and value is not dependent on external things, it is not dependent on having a partner and getting married and having children, it is not dependent on anything external to us. Our worth is only found and rooted in God.
When we develop a relationship with God, we come to know God as our Father, we come to know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and best friend, we come to know the Holy Spirit as our Comforter and Teacher of Truth. The Bible tells us that we shall know the truth and that truth shall make us free. Truth is only found in God.
If we do not get our contentment in God, we will get married and still remain discontent.
Nothing in this world will fulfill us. If we are not firm and rooted in Jesus Christ, we will turn our spouse into an idol, we will require from them things only God can provide. We will start living a life of idolatry, depending on our spouse instead of God. We will become like leaking buckets, always wanting more but never getting filled.
We will start blaming God for putting us in a marriage that has become unmanageable, yet, He never put us in that marriage in the first place. We will start demanding changes from our spouse yet we got together with them knowing exactly who and how they are. We will live in loveless marriages and cohabitation – something God never intended. We will live in sin with someone we are not married to and even have children with them.
The Bible tells us that there is an appointed time for everything, and there is a time for every event under heaven. May we never run past or run away from seasons that we are meant to go through and in running away miss out on God’s best for us and miss out on what God wants to do in our lives. May we never compromise God’s Law. Anything outside God’s will is never worth it.
It is better to remain single for the rest of our lives and be in God’s will than getting married and be outside God’s will. If we are to be married, may we do it God’s way.
Life with God for eternity is our goal, and if we have to compromise just to get off the single season, then it is not worth it. Our life after this world is what we are preparing for, and we should never partake in anything that will derail us off the course and path that God wants us to walk through. What does it really profit a man to gain the whole world and yet lose his soul? Nothing.
What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? If anyone is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when He comes in His Father’s glory with the holy angels. Matthew 8:36-38.
In light of eternity, things of this world and its pleasures lose meaning. Being with a person who abuses, mistreats, and misuses us, someone who treats us with no respect or dignity, someone who manipulates and coerces us to go against our values, someone who does not fear God and leads us into sin and drives us into going against God’s Word, someone who is a negative influence in our lives; being with such a person might leave us spiritually dead and it is never worth it, being with such a person is unhealthy and can even cost us our lives. We would rather be single and find our contentment in God, because our contentment is only found in Him.
The Bible tells us that godliness with contentment is great gain. Whether we are single, married, divorced, or widowed; our contentment should only come from God. No season is more important than the other, God uses anyone He chooses and uses people in different seasons of life. God is no respecter of persons, He looks at the heart, He uses whom He wants, He blesses whom it pleases Him to bless.
God honors those who honor Him.
May we honor God with our lives and our bodies irrespective of the season we are in. Our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit; whether we are single, married, divorced or widowed. May we live a life that pleases God, whether in public or in private. God calls us to be holy, just as He is holy. We serve a holy God.
“But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do, for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I Am holy.’ Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives in reverent fear during your temporary stay on earth.” 1 Peter 1:15-17.
Singlehood is for the glory of God, marriage and children is for the glory of God, when we find ourselves divorced in situations beyond our control we should turn it into a testimony for the glory of God, widowhood is for the glory of God. Everything and every circumstance in our lives should be used for the glory of God. God will empower us in the season we are in to live as He intends us to. And if our desire is to be married, we take our requests to God in prayer, and ask Him to guide us. And if we are to get married, we do it in the Lord.
May we learn to be content and praise God regardless of our circumstances. May we learn to wait on God; God’s timing is always perfect.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13.
When we spend time with God, with time the Holy Spirit matures His fruit within us – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. We are to first be concerned about the Kingdom of God and what has His approval then all other things will be provided for us.
God should be first in our lives. Our worth is only found and rooted in God. Eternity with God should be our top priority. There will be no marriages in heaven. God’s presence will fill us and we will thirst no more, God will give us water that will become in us a spring of water welling up to eternal life.
The world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God remains forever. 1 John 2:17.
Blessings.
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