It is important to know how to build healthy relationships on the foundation of Jesus Christ. Love is birthed in the spirit, not in the soul or body. There are too many relationships based on soul and body connections in the world today, without any substance, without a deeper connection, and many people confuse that for love.
Feeling a certain way about someone and connecting physically does not make it love. Many people are living in sin and then label what they are doing as love.
Many people do not know how to build healthy relationships. Many times we get our emotions interconnected with another person’s and give so much of ourselves to someone who has not made a lifetime commitment to us in any way. We treat people who are not yet our spouses, as spouses, people we have barely taken the time to know. We think that just because they appear good on the outside then we can automatically be with them.
In our society people move too fast. Many people rarely take the time to know the spirit person inside the body of the other person.
Inside each one of us is a void, and if we do not know Who to go to to fill those voids and longings in our hearts, then we will be using other people to fill us and validate us. We will label our neediness for validation, acceptance, and belonging as love.
The moment we find someone to fill those voids within us then we jump in so quick and start depending on that person in a very unhealthy way. We then interconnect our life with that of the other person so much to the extent that we lose our own identity. Because of how much we had grown to depend on that person, if or when they finally leave our lives, then we are left torn apart, not knowing what to do after that, because we do not know how to build healthy relationships.
Many people are in idolatrous relationships, they have made the person they are with their idol.
Many people are in obsessive type of relationships, in codependency where they try to get as much as possible from the other person. Most relationships are draining and people wear each other out. People are trying to obtain from each other things that only God can provide. We need to learn how to build healthy relationships on the foundation of Jesus Christ.
God is love and He is the author of love. If what two people have is not centered on God, then they do not know what love is. It is God who teaches us to love one another in a real authentic way.
When we have a relationship with God and we are filled with His love, then we are able to love each other with the love of God. Our love for each other will be an outflow of God’s love that is within us. It is only in God that we can learn how to build healthy relationships.
Do not confuse feelings and emotions with love; the feelings and emotions will come naturally when people truly love one another, but feelings are never the basis of defining love. Love is deep and is not just a feeling. To know what love is we have to know God. We cannot separate love from God.
Without God, we will just be immersed in our own emotions and in how we feel about the other person and then erroneously think that we are in love. Such kind of erroneous thinking is what makes people remain in relationships that are not good for them, which may even be abusive; they are not aware of how to build healthy relationships.
People fornicate and commit adultery and then call it love.
We connect our souls and bodies with other people who are not our spouses and foolishly think that we are in love with them. We get so intertwined emotionally with other people to the extent that getting out of such unhealthy relationships becomes very difficult. Without getting to know the spirit person, we end up entertaining and allowing people into our lives who are just using us for their own selfish gains. Most of what people call love usually is not real love. Pray for God to help you know how to build healthy relationships.
The Bible tells us what love is.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
God, out of His love towards us, sent His only begotten Son Jesus Christ who died a sacrificial death on the cross so that we might be saved. Love is not just about receiving, receiving, and receiving and in the process wearing the other person out. Love, at its core, is about giving, sacrificially. Love is not about fulfilling our needs, our desires, our wants, and our distorted views on relationships.
To be able to love the other person with the love of God, you have to die to self. It becomes less and less about you and more and more about the other people whereby you desire the best for the person you are with.
Allow Christ Jesus to be the foundation of your relationship and that relationship will stand no matter what storm blows on its way. In God, you will get to know how to build healthy relationships. Make sure that you are equally yoked with a fellow believer. Pray and ask God to give you wisdom and discernment when you are making such an important life-changing decision.
Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and to reveal to you the heart of that other person. Ask God to remove anyone from your life who should not be part of your life and for Him to close all doors in your life that should be closed, and to open doors for you that no person can close.
Pray and seek the will of God and ask God to empower you to wait for His timing and for His best.
A relationship does not change the nature of a human being. You cannot quench the lust of a lustful person; such a person will always want more and more from you and with time they will start manipulating and forcing you into extremes as much as possible. Only God has the power to change human nature.
If you commit your life to someone who is still controlled by sinful nature, then you will be setting up yourself to a life of heartache. What that person may have tried to hide in order to impress you will become fully manifest once all is done and they have gotten you to the place that they wanted. We cannot change people, only God changes people. Transform your mind with God’s Word and learn how to build healthy relationships.
If that person you are with is not born-again and is not on the same level as you spiritually, then it is not worth it going forward with the relationship. Things will only get worse, unless that person gives their life to Christ. If their spirit person is not yet regenerated, then you are setting up yourself for failure. If a person is not led by the Spirit of God, then what you will experience from them is the works of the flesh. If a person does not have the Spirit of God within them, then their life will be full of the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.
A person not born again of the Spirit of the living God would not know how to love you, because only in God do we get to know what true love is.
Proverbs 16 verse 6 says, “In mercy and truth atonement is provided for iniquity; and by the fear of the Lord one departs from evil.”
If a person does not fear the Lord and does not honor Him, what makes us think that that same person will honor the commitment they make to us? It is the reverential fear of the Lord that leads us to walk in uprightness and in obedience to the Word of God.
Seek God and make things of God your top priority. The greatest relationship you can ever have is a relationship with the Lord. When you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior, then you are made a new creation and you become a child of God. Before thinking about earthly relationships, set your priorities right by first developing a relationship with God, because it is from there that everything else in life flows.
Pursue a life pleasing to God, a life of holiness. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, teach you, and develop and mature in you Christ-likeness. Invest time with God and you shall never regret it. Allow God to fill up all those voids within you, such that when you finally yoke your life with another believer, you will not be seeking from them things that only God can provide. You will be able to build healthy relationships.
Allow God to heal you of any wounds that you may still have within you. Let God be your security and your source of everything. Find your worth in Christ Jesus and not from admiration and validation from other people.
Allow God to complete you, let God be enough for you because He is truly enough.
When you are at that place whereby you are truly content and you are filled with the love of God, then, and only then, will you be able to love other people with the love of God. The greatest commandment is that we love God.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5.
Do not confuse your emotions, or your neediness for the fulfillment of the voids within you by someone else, or your lust, or your logic, or your telling each other nice things and doing nice things for each other, or your cohabitation, and such like things, with love. Do not build your relationship on the foundation of sand because it will not stand and will soon come crumbling down. Be wise instead, and build your relationship on the incorruptible Word of God. Be a doer of the Word of God.
Jesus said, “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.” Matthew 7:24-27.
Blessings.
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